TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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