I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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