who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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