No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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