A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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