I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
