man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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