Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
