My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
