why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
