Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
