So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
