Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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