my being single is dangerous.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
