I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
