mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
