yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
