I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
