I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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