and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
