I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
