For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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