O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
