last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
