He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
