I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
