Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
