i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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