This girl is more easily done than said...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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