So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
