Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
