Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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