To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
