Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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