it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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