We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
