i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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