Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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