Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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