K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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