Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
