Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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