I should be sponsored by Trojan
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
