The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
