Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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