Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
