We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
