yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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