Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
