i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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