So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
