You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
