remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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