Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
