we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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